InsaneJournal

Current mood:

crushed

Missing my mother.
Another night, another day.  It feels like I am stuck in the middle of a whirlpool.  I feel like I've made a mistake.  Taken a wrong turn somewhere.  I miss my mother.  Such a wussy girl I've turned out to be.  Lying next to my fiancee I am in tears, because I want my mom.  I mean, I miss my dog, my brother, my dad...but damn...My mom is the one I want the most.  I just...wish she were with me right now.   I want  her to hold me, pet my hair, and tell me everything is going to be alright.  I guess I deserve it.  I did just walk out.  Just left.  To live the glorious life I can see, that Chris and I can share.  I have every belief he and I can lead this life, I just feel that...maybe I did step out too early.  I can't sleep.  I feel...hurt.  I tore something up.  I trampled it into the ground.  I am a horrible daughter, spatting in my mother's face when all she has ever done was try and create a comfortable life for me.  I feel absolutely horrible.  There is so much I want to fix, but I don't think I can.  I want my mom.  I feel like breaking down into a temper tantrum, like a little girl again, and have my mom come over, pick me up and whisper that all will be well.